Coming Soon

Something that has really got up my nose lately is a growing trend towards the overtly free utilisation of the "coming soon" phrase.

It's everywhere you go, in all of it's different variants!

New Movie! Your Favorite Genre! Your favorite stars! COMING SOON to a cinema near you!

Brand new store! Opening SOON!

New flavor! Appearing SOON!

Brand new Gadget! Released in the near future!

To show the ridiculousness of this concept, in November of 2004 a building was completed not a 10 minute walk from my house. Two huge billboards have gone up - LOCAL VETERINARIAN - Opening Soon!

That was over twelve months ago! We're still waiting!

At the Crown Casino, a storefront with the blazing letters announcing a store by the name of DOTCOM has been declaring that they'll be OPENING SOON for over three months now.

It's just plain ludicrous!

I want a law to dictate the use of the word SOON.

I nominate that soon cannot equal an amount of time greater than two months. That should be enough time for anyone!

I think based on the current liberal usage I can legitimately say things like:

• I will be irresistible to all women SOON!
• I will be richer than Bill Gates, SOON!
• I will be smarter than Stephen Hawking, SOON!
• I will be hailed as a God by all humanity, SOON!
• I will be finished on this rant, SOON!

of Cars and Choices ...

I started out so well, maintaining my two ‘blogs everyday … and then life got in the way … and I’ve been on the go non-stop with a dozen different things … but, alas I have a breather, enough time to scribe a little something …

So, what’s been happening? I’ve been doing the whole domestic thing – you know, building a retaining wall, cleaning, cooking, etc … pretty boring, mundane, yet time consuming tasks.

Oh, I’ve been looking at new cars! After spending a small fortune on fixing a broken gear on my current sporty number, I decided I need to look at new options. So, a few weeks back, I started researching vehicles, and taking lots of test drives.

I’ve discovered quite a fair bit in this time … the most important lesson is what you think you want may not be what you actually want – nor need in fact.

Having almost always had sporty cars (short of my original Humber Super Snipe, or the company/lease vehicles) I started looking at the Mazda RX8, Nissan 350Z and Honda S2000 almost without thinking … So off I went down the comparison path.

On paper, the RX8 comes out on top, good balance of sporty and comfort features, reasonably priced, etc … but when I went out and test drove it, I was so disappointed! Earlier in the year, I had test-driven the RX8 Special Edition, and that was pretty good … but the standard model was clunkier, not as responsive, etc …

It was seriously a case of great body … and that’s it … Now, I’ve driven and run a number of old RX3’s and RX7’s … and I’d happily replace this even with the issue bound RX7 SII! Heck, my current MX6 performed better in almost all arenas!

This caused a pause in my search as I stepped back and re-evaluated my requirements and my desires. I’ve enjoyed my sports cars, loved the feel, the rush, the cornering, etc … but a new element has come into my thinking – no, not petrol pricing, although it is now a higher priority factor – but comfort. I spend a minimum of two hours going to and fro work. Sports seats are great when you’re zooming around a 75-degree bend at 80+ clicks an hour … but have you ever had to spend an hour and half in one in stop start traffic?

For that matter, have you ever been stuck in a “drivers car” during peak hour traffic? All of a sudden, you get bored, uncomfortable, irritated – and all your muscles ache as all of this mounts up and you’re changing up and down between 1st and 3rd while moving less than 20-clicks an hour!

So, for the first time in my life, I’ve put comfort above performance. With this new direction in mind, I started looking at anything labelled “luxury”.

So, off I went, and drove, and looked, and drove some more … and finally was taken in by the new Lexus IS250 (or colloquially named the baby-GS). Even put down a deposit!

So, happy with my new choice, I go off to my Novated Lease provider and tell them the news, only for a couple of realities to be thrown back quite hard.

1. Based on my 40,000 clicks a year Odometer, a five year lease is BAD
2. In their opinion (and, coincidentally, that of my accountant) anyone who needs a five-year lease can’t afford the car and shouldn’t be looking at it …
3. Based on a three-year lease, I’d have 120,000 clicks on the clock – most cars won’t support a resale anywhere near equal to the residual value …
4. The Lexus loses the most value of almost any other car in it’s range.

Well, damn!

So, I went off and did some more research – this time on cars that were three years old with over 100,000 on the clock. And you know what? There were only two car types that consistently maintained a reasonable value in comparison to others in the same range.

The two? Mercedes-Benz and BMW.

Quite honestly, I never thought I’d ever be the owner or driver of either type.

So, I looked harder at the lower-end offerings from both, the Mercedes-Benz C180 Avantgarde and the BMW 320i Execuitive.

In the end, I liked the Beemer more, althought the Merc will probably hold it’s value better.

So, I’m in the process of getting quotes, messing around with figures, driving my lease company rep mad (sorry Luke!) and going a little nuts myself.

Anyhow, I’ll let you know how I go in the end.

Ciao!

Of art, food and weddings ...

Well, it has been another interesting weekend.

I apologise for not updating my blog lately, but I’ve been suffering from tiredness … I just can’t seem to shake it either.

Anyhow, this weekend I had two interesting experiences.

On Saturday night, I went to an art exhibition. An “Art Provocateur” exhibition, to be exact. There were some interesting exhibitions, from photos from a BDSM ball, to drawings of BDSM scenes, some interesting pencil drawings of Xena and Gabrielle getting it on, a Latex curtain, dolls in birdcages, and some paintings that to describe will have my blog banned in 23 different countries.

There were also live performances held at this exhibition. A lovely lady performed a suspension. Her partner had carefully tied her up in a lovely red-silk rope and then suspended her from a large winch hook. Now, regardless if you’re into that sort of thing or not, the style, theatrics and overall effect were spectacular. You also have to admire a woman who is willing to place herself in a vulnerable public position and especially in light of the fact that she was afraid of heights … major Kudo’s to her!

The other exhibition, well, lets just say I have no idea what the point was. Perhaps I’m a BDSM Luddite and therefore could not understand the little intricacies of the performance, or maybe it was just plain boring.

This exhibition involved a all-but-naked woman donning a WWII gas mask and a black strap-on, being taped (yes, taped, as in gaffa) by a man in leather chaps, a leather mask and a cage around his member.

So, he taped, alternating between gaffa, plastic strips, masking, “fragile” packing tape and “wet paint” tape. First her arms, then her legs … and so on and so forth for hours … no, I mean it, I don’t mean it felt like hours, it was … starting at about 7-ish by 11, he had just finished the arms … I later heard that when they kicked everyone out at just past midnight, they went to a hotel room and kept taping (yes that’s all – taping) till 6 AM!

The only thing that sort-of kept my interest before I fell into a coma was the woman (slave) kneeling on the ground next to this couple who would bark (almost naturally) and try to bite the donger that the taping girl would wave in her face occasionally.

The dog-girls master was languished across a table above her slave, in a lovely revealing slinky black dress. Would have been interesting to see her do something – anything – rather than languish there and pout, looking for all the world like a smile would kill her. She was rather tasty though.

Anyhow, after my friends used the cattle-prod woke me from my stupor, we drove down to Fitzroy and enjoyed a phenomenal meal at Madame SouSou. Good food, good booze and good company … the way a meal should be.

Sunday morning was hectic. Being father’s day, and having a wedding to go to, as well as needing to get my usual tasks done (you know – dry cleaning, basic shopping, return faulty goods, etc) was too much. We rushed around like maniacs, missed the church event, had the car get stuck in fifth gear (broken cog), organised a spare from my brother-in-laws dad, had a fathers day lunch, got changed, drive to the reception (not before getting lost!) and finally made it in a little late, but before the bridal party came in.

It was a good Italian wedding reception too, the food was divine (and even though I come from an Italian background, still too many courses!) and did I mention plentiful? The company on the table was friendly, jovial and extremely light-hearted.

The bride and groom were stunning and so happy, that at one point I was sure that the only reason they were still smiling was that they had smiling-muscle-cramps.

So, after a pleasant night of dancing, eating, drinking, joking and general festivities, I finally made it home at about a tad before two am.

This morning I had to drive back up to Tullamarine (which, for those that don’t know, is clear across town – approx 70-odd kilometres along the interconnecting freeways) to where my car had broken down and was left overnight. After waiting for the tow truck (for damn near two-hours!) I organised for it to be towed to the Mazda dealership … and it will probably be a week (two?) before I get it back.

So, that’s been my weekend. It can only get better from here, right?

I want to be a PLEASURE ACTIVIST

I was catching up on some of Triple-J's Hack (a half-hour current affairs style shown on the National youth broadcast station) Programme, when I started listening to "Men who watch porn together" and the follow up story "Has porn changed your life?" and in that second story, a lady rang up claiming she was a Pleasure Activist.

Now, I'm not exactly sure what a Pleasure Activist is or does, but I think I want in!

Do you know what a Pleasure Activist is?

Are you a pleasure activist?

Drop me a line!

Enlighten me!

Sunday Night Dichotomy

Do you ever find yourself in two minds?

How do you get back?

I'm sitting here and recovering from my Saturday Night. On the one hand I want to go out and boogie on, on the other I need to recover in a stargate sarcophagus.

Last night was one of entertainment and debauchery that can only be experienced with the words "bucks night". After a night of drinking, mucking around, drinking, "educational entertainment", drinking, clubbing, drinking and finally home ... I was, to use the colloquialism, rat-shit.

Due to the strict non-disclosure-agreement signed for the event, all I can say, is that fun and frivolity was had, and I dare say more than one victim, err, guest, will still be nursing side effects on Monday.

Today's been pretty boring, finally woke up at 1330. Realised I promised a friend I'd go to the home show where he has a huge stand and take some photos, but that wasn't going to happen now. On top of which my lovely partner demanded I head off to Coles and do the groceries, go to the deli and pick up the lunch meats (and biccies of-course!), head to the pharmacy and get a few more things ... so nearly three hours later, I finally get home and I'm exhausted. However, if I want to eat anything other than a can of baked beans or take-away, i need to do the cooking, so into the kitchen I go to prepare some Lamb Ribs marinated in a black pepper sauce with a crushed potato mash with parsley, chives, dill and garlic. Finally, I needed to do some washing, so I shoved a load in.

So, now I'm proverbially stuffed. So, with that I bid you all a good night, and a good night to all.

So, it's the end of my first week ...

Sorry about the long delay in-between posts, but I can't begin to tell you how hard it has been on my poor brain this last week.

My Monday started with a general two-hour introduction to my new host company. Lots of the usual stuff - you know, how big we are, who our key customers are, where we're heading, policies to remember, etc.

Then I jump into the guiding arms of my buddy, who takes me up, shows round the place, introduces me to my new team-mates (who seem pretty ok on first inspection), and shows me to my new desk.

The rest of the week is pretty much going through the departmental induction process (which, by the way, is about 30-odd webex presentations on every aspect of the job, policies, guidelines, collaboration, etc). This can be simultaneously interesting and mind numbing while quickly reaching the information overload marker.

So I've survived that, only to find that you have to be careful what you wish for! I mentioned on Tuesday that I wish I had some projects on, so at least I could chew on a bone. Well, by Friday, I had five on my plate!

unfortunately, none of these I can do anything about, for one reason or another, and so, I'm twiddling my thumbs until the work can come round again.

As part of the global structure, a cool process that is in place is a formalised peer document review. So, I spent the end of the week going through four different proposals. That was fun.

Anyhows, my information overloaded mind is now officially numb, so I'm off to bed.

TTFN

What a week!

Wow, here we are at the end of the second week of August already!

In the last fortnight, I've come another year closer to my use-by date, I've resigned and left my previous employer, I've flown up to Sydney and attended a conference, had some Monday night madness (see previous post), flown back to Melbourne, had some coffee with some old work colleagues, built half a retaining wall in the backyard, went out for some dinner with one of my best friends in celebration of her getting closer to her use-by date and am currently preparing to celebrate my dad's 65^th tonight at a surprise party we've organised for him.

Phew!

Tomorrow I start my new life as a Solutions Architect with a worldwide Professional Services organisation ... I hear from my contacts in said company, that my name has already been bandied about in relation to a number of projects ... so it promises to be an interesting and exciting time.

Life in general is good, not too much to rant about at the moment, which is why (along with the aforementioned busy-ness) I haven't made too many entries lately.

I finally (after 4-odd years of fighting, grovelling and waiting) have had my ADSL service approved. I received my Modem/Router and central splitter by courier, went about installing everything ... and nothing.

Seems a technician forgot about the part of ACTIVATING the port at the exchange after approving it. So, I now have to wait for the Helstra people to work out their bums from their thumbs and get that back in order for me.

Well, that's about it for today ... I'm off to pick up some dry cleaning, and then get ready for tonight. I'm sure I'll report in tomorrow with news of my first day at the new place.

TTFN.

Monday night madness

So, tonight was my first night in Sydney. I came up for a conference on the red-eye this morning, straight into a whirlwind of techno-business knowledge and finally arrived (via the cocktail party) at my hotel room, feeling a little worse for wear and looking forward to a good night's sleep.

Unfortunately, I've hit that over-tired speed hump where I'm just not going to get any sleep if I go to bed now ... so, off to the bar downstairs to sink a few Corona's and burn that puppy out. On my way back from my little nightcap adventure, I go to my floor, and an Asian lady follows me out of the lift. She casually remarks on my sense of fashion style and asks if I'm a musician. No, I reply, just well dressed. She asks if I'm busy at the moment, it's her first night in Sydney, and she'd like a little company. OK, I say, so back to the bar we go for a chat and a few extra drinks.

She informs me she's from Shanghai, here on an exchange program with the Sydney Orchestra for a performance on the weekend. I respond with the usual questions of curiosity and small talk - how did you get into music? what's the weather like in Shanghai? etc, etc ... and similar questions are asked (and answered) from the opposite end of the table.

After forty minutes or so, I inform my new friend that it has been a long day and I'm going off to retire. She agrees she should also do the same, and we continue our chat as we go back to our respective rooms.

We reach my room first and she asks if I'd like a coffee before going to bed? I mention that I'm not going to make the effort to go back to the bar, so she suggests we just make an instant coffee from the in-room kettle.

[Yes, OK, this should have been an obvious cue - I know! I just wasn't thinking with that frame of mind]

So, I [stupidly] agree and we enter my room, where I put on the kettle and make preparations to pour two cups of coffee. She asks me if I mind if she uses the bathroom? Why would I mind? Off she goes, and I kick up the laptop to check my email account.

After a few minutes, she comes out ... naked as the day she was born.

I've quickly turned away and ask her to put some clothes on, and she [seemingly confusedly] places a towel around her.

She asks what's wrong? I mention that my partner may seriously object to this behaviour. She retorts that my partner isn't here, and that we should continue to provide each other with company for the rest of the night.

I patiently explain that I'm not like that and would very much appreciate it if she would go back into the bathroom and replace her clothing.

She goes back in, and I'm sitting in my room astounded that I missed the cues! I just wasn't thinking like that, and those that know me know that I'm a genuinely friendly bloke who likes to meet new people ... so, that, and my tiredness, are going to be the cloak of my excuse.

She comes back out and tells me that my wife must be very lucky, how long have we been together? Twelve years, I reply. Shes asks with a bewildered look if I've never been with another women in all that time? No, I haven't, I reply. So, she leans in, and in the most earnest of faces says, "you know, it's good to have a change every now and again".

Damn, where was this sort of forwardness 13 years ago?

I thank her for her interest, and ask her to please leave my room now, as I no longer feel comfortable with her presence there. She asks if I mind if she finishes her coffee first, and I grant the concession.

After a few minutes, she finishes her coffee, makes another pass and I finally forcibly ask her to leave, herding her towards the door.

So she finally leaves the room and I'm left thinking about a weird night alone in my room. After twenty minutes or so, I decide I'll go out for a cigarette and clear my thoughts with some crisp night air, so I make my way to the lobby and am asked by the concierge if I'd like another key made for my wife?

I respond that I'm staying alone, but thanks. He responds with "oh".

So, curious, I ask him to explain, he mentions that a room service call was made from my room earlier, and that "my wife" signed for it at the door, and then said she had locked herself out, but would eat the meal downstairs until her husband got out of the shower.

Well, blow me down! The sheer audacity of this woman!

So, I explained the situation and he tries not to smirk at my naivety in this situation, and then directs me to the security room, where I can identify said women from the surveillance tapes. They'll make sure she doesn't bother me again and will try to apprehend her if she returns.

No problem, such is life ... now I just have to explain it to my wife ...

_____________________________

Updates (Sunday 14/08/05)

1. My wife, the caring understanding woman she is, just laughed at me, but was primarily annoyed that I "lost" $40 (the room service bill)
2. The hotel have checked their records, and have refunded me the amount for the said room service bill, they apologised for the inconvenience, the woman was apparently known to them for seconding her way into guests rooms before, and that they felt that they share some of the blame as they should have denied her access before my unfortunate meeting with her on my floor.

_____________________________

Well, that was my night ... not much left to say after all that!

Religious Cultural persecution in the name of terror

Ipso scientia protestas est et timendi causa est nescire.
(Knowledge itself is power and Ignorance is the cause of fear. )

How true this statement is today in the post 911 era.

In the western world, we view ourselves as liberated, free, educated, and above all, civilised.

We celebrate the the fact that we have a state free of religion and the power of free speech. We congratulate ourselves on being the saviours of the less fortunate and protectors of the weak and prosecuted.

How true is this self-praising perception of ourselves and our society?

Are we truly armed with the understanding and the knowledge to evaluate our perceptions and actions in an objective fashion?

Or are we trapped by the propaganda perpetrated by the powers of our government?

Are we being educated by the influx of information from the media or is the ignorance simply spread further by the sensationalist ratings-grabbing nature of the business?

The current "war on terror" era shows the west in a new light, one that we do not wish to find ourselves in. We are a society that is run by confusion, ignorance and, above all, fear.

As a species, we like to simplify our world. In the west, where we pride our technological civilisation and the quantity and speed of information we deal with, we like to simplify concepts into basic units so as to deal with them with greater ease.

In the christian dominated west, we have defined a highly meaningless and binary definition for Muslims. They are either "moderate" or "fundamentalist".

In a single swoop, we have removed all the history, culture, identities, struggles and complexities of an entire sub-set of the world's population and placed them into one of two single dimensional boxes.

But what do these words mean? They are literary symbols portrayed upon what in reality is a diversely expressed, international religious community, but have now become a narrow political identity.

Symbols by themselves have no inherent meaning, and are by their very nature, a canvas for a subjective projection of cultural or personal translation.

In the 19th Century American definition of the fundamentalist (originally denoted to the Christian movements of the mid west), the word is meant to describe a movement to return to what is considered the defining or founding principles of the religion.

It especially came to refer to any religious enclave that intentionally resists identification with the larger religious group in which it originally arose, on the basis that fundamental principles upon which the larger religious group is supposedly founded have become corrupt or displaced by alternative principles hostile to its identity. This is evident in the many offshoots of Christianity, especially within the evangelical and baptist movements.

Yet, in the context utilised upon the Islamic faith, it has become synonymous with words that surround it like radical, militant, extremist and jihadist.

It has come to stand for evil. It is has come to stand for enemies of the western free world.

So, now, upon contemplation of any Muslim, they are immediately reduced into a single dimensional fiction of either a tolerable or intolerable Muslim. They are either with us or against us. We cannot accept, nor comprehend, that a Muslim may be complex with mixed thoughts, beliefs and ideas ... that is to say, we cannot comprehend that they, like us, are human.

The media, against the original dictation of their craft, no longer report items with objectivity, representing both sides of the story. With all the talk of free speech and independent minds of the freedom of the west, they no longer perceive that they are victims of their own fear and ignorance, and by association, have become puppets in the propaganda machine of the war on terror.

While we report and study our own society and traditions with pedantic precision, we do not afford this same attention to detail to any outside our own, and especially not to the Muslim communities ... even those who are our neighbours.

Thus, we find that the entire sub-set of civilisation, the Muslim world, reduced to the personification of a handful of cliches, framing any discourse on Islam with terms of terrorism, misogyny and totalitarianism. We do not reflect upon the spiritual, material or human aspirations or struggles of these people, for to do so may show them as human as you or I.

This is reflected by the fact that the Muslims only come into our attention when an article is deemed to be newsworthy, that is to say, when a bomb is detonated in a location that has an economic, political or cultural interest to ourselves (and not anywhere else). Else, the articles are written to show-off the evil nature of these people in "human interest" stories, highlighting the gross violation of human rights or the tale of harrowing misogyny.

In this light, we are invited to consider that such oppressive, criminal and antisocial behaviour and practices are an inherent function of Muslim existence. Thus, when any Muslim does something evil, it is because that is what Muslims are.

Consider the practice of Female Genital Mutilation. This has become a story inextricably linked to the Islamic faith. Yet, it is a practice that only a tiny minority of Muslims practice.

Female circumcision is today mainly practiced in Sub-Saharan African countries. It is common in a band that stretches from Senegal in West Africa to Somalia on the East coast, as well as from Egypt in the north to Tanzania in the south. It is also practiced by some groups in the Arabian peninsula, especially among a minority (20%) in Yemen.

Would it surprise you to know, now, that the majority of these countries are actually Christian? The practice is cultural, not religious, yet we demand that every woman who stands to talk about Islam must denounce the practice. Why do we not demand the same from every Christian women?

Similarly, the term suicide bomber has become synonymous with Islamic Fundamentalism.

Let us ignore the fact that the most prolific suicide bombers were the Tamil Tigers and the Kurdistan Workers Party of Europe. Let us ignore the fact of that Palestinian Christian Priests have praised it.

Honour killings are also another of these phenomena. We do not perceive these as an aspect of the low socioeconomic class, where feudalism and poor education are strife, but rather vilify it as a religious endeavour.

Hindu and Sikh families of India practice this atrocious act far more commonly than any other, but so too do Christian families of the middle east, and even Italian and Greek migrant communities did so.

Why do we not vilify those communities?

Why do we not condemn all of those acts?

In a world where we are raised to see everything in the light of black and white, where the complexities of the world around us is too complex for us to handle, it is easier to place a unanimous box around an entire section than to make an effort to understand the amalgamation of history, culture and religion that has defined a people.

It seems to me that the Bush led administration is propelled by the Christian Right, a group just as Fundamentalist as the term projected onto their Muslim counterparts. A view which is supported by the fact that Bush himself said after the 911 attacks "This crusade, this war on terrorism is going to take a while."

This is what it feels like, that the entire war on terror is actually the tenth crusade. There seems to be a terrifying alliance of Judaeo-Christian fanatics, conjoined in their dreams of the recovery of the Holy Lands of the West Bank, Judaea and Samaria supporting the administration and perpetrating this continued effort.

Before I hear arguments of Christian goodness, let us not forget that the influence of these people has affected our society as well, but instead of collapsing the right-wing-fundamentalist Christians into a single mental construct like we have with Islam, we conclude instead that these are extremist groups, outside of our norm, because the reality is that we are too familiar with our own culture to essentialise it in the same way.

Consider the Pro-Life movement, which advocates stronger regulation or prohibition of abortion, in the belief that abortion constitutes murder - yet the more extreme of these groups have killed the doctors that have performed abortions. Is this not the same extremist fundamentalism we shroud with those of the Muslim faith?

Opposition to gay rights by groups such as the Focus on the Family, Family First and Traditional Values Coalition because they believe that homosexual behavior is a violation of Christian doctrine. They demand that this behaviour should be criminalized and that the basic rights that the rest of us enjoy should be removed. Police reports also show, that especially in the religious mid-west US, numerous "gay bashings" have been attributed to this fanatical viewpoint. TV Evangelists Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell even attributed the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks to God's wrath against "abortionists, pagans, feminists, gays and lesbians".

The reality is that we in the west are just as fundamentalist, just as extremist, just as violent, and above all, just as evil.

It is easier to not perceive our world as a human creation. One that is controlled by a complex human behavioral matrix in which complex cultural, sociological and psychological factors, dictate our actions and those of our neighbours.

Perhaps one day we will realise, that just like us, these people are only too human, and that by making an effort to remove the veil of ignorance, by prying open the eyes of objectivity, that we can perceive the world in a new light, and thus find solutions to live in harmony.

just babbling ...

Sorry I haven't made any posts in the last two days, I've been off in la-la-land. What with it being my birthday yesterday and this also being my last week with the employer that has been a world of entertainment.

It used to be that when someone gave their notice, they'd finish up their tasks and be shown the door as soon as possible. Not due to any disrespect, but basic human characteristics means that any motivation to be productive when you've completed all your tasks and are about to leave opens the possibility of said soon-to-be-ex-employee wandering the halls looking to converse with people.

So, that's what I'm doing now ... all my tasks are completed (even the extra bullshite ones that were dumped on me to "keep me busy") and they just want me to sit at my desk until the week is over. Such a waste of time ... my time specifically.

So, so, so bored!

I didn't do much to celebrate last night, sat at home with my partner, ate some BBQ Chook, drank a bottle of Brown Brothers Dolcetta and promptly fell asleep on the couch.

Anyhow, I've got a big night planned on Friday as it's my resignation (freedom?) party with a phenomenal night set up in the VIP room of Ffour (very cool blade-runner set style bar in the Melbourne CBD) and followed by some dinner with friends at Tony Starr's Kitten Club (another very hip establishment in the Melbourne CBD) and plenty of Aspirins set aside for Saturday morning.

I've gone off and purchased myself a nice suit from the coolest clothing store in Melbourne - Anton's - which is a 1920's speakeasy meets Jazz meets the naughties black suit with green pinstripes and a Betty Page shirt. Looks awesome and just screams NuRetro style.

I'm just babbling now ... so I'm off home.

You know you're old when ...

Sitting at a cafe today, I was sippin' on a Corona (with Lime!) and contemplating my navel when I overheard a conversation occurring at the next table.

I truly wont bore you with the verbal diarrhea that spouted like some form of craptacular fountain centerpiece, but you can just imagine the usual banter that is formulated by a barely adolescent, testosterone loaded pack of males. There was the usual big noting, tales of macho toughness and, of course, the obligatory feats of sexual conquest. All of which had a distinct "Dear Playboy, I always thought your letters were made up until ..." feel to them.

Which got me to thinking, there's only a tad over a decade between those guys and myself, but it might as well be an eternity.

Although I barely feel my age either emotionally or physically, mentally, it's a whole other story.

I've come to realise that my view of the world, my perceptions of people, and my own reflections of thoughts and ideas has dramatically altered from the heady days of my youth.

All of this is a natural progression of growing up. It is not to say I think (or act!) like an old fuddy-duddy, but I have come to realise that there are certain signs that highlight you've reached an age where you can foreseeably begin to say, "shit! I'm getting old!"

The first time I realised this was about a year ago.

I was driving down the central lane of the freeway, heading into the city for some dinner and drinks with friends when I was accosted by an old '68 Fairlane in front of me crawling along at 60Km/h.

Traffic was heavier than normal on this day, and as spaces in the adjoining lanes did not avail themselves, my frustration grew. I flashed my lights, honked my horn, yelled obscenities in three different languages and even cursed the drivers entire lineage - all to nil effect.

The P-plate in the corner of the rear windscreen gave me the clue that I wasn't dealing with the usual octarian Sunday driver, which only ballooned my frustration further.

Finally a break in the traffic allowed me to skirt around the offending vehicle. As I passed the clunker, I see the young male driver with a dreamy look on his face, and (presumably) his girlfriend's head pops up for air from between his lap.

I'm ashamed to say, my first thought was "does he realise how dangerous that is while driving?"

With that thought, I realised my mind had crossed that milestone. I had become "old".

Since that fateful day, I have become more attuned to other signs of this phenomena. Some examples to highlight my point:

• It is becoming increasingly difficult to discern from a glance the difference between youths of fifteen and eighteen.
• I find myself thinking how "we wouldn't have gotten away with that" way too many times
• I'm constantly shocked to find a fifteen year old driving alongside me. I then realise they are sporting a P-Plate, and therefore must be at least eighteen
• Worse - they have no P-plate and therefore must be at least twenty-one
• I'm constantly depressed when I realise that "yummy mummy" (or MILF for the rest of you) that just sauntered past was the same age as me.
• Worse - she was younger.
• I find I'd rather a more mature woman than a "young and firm" specimen, because you can't buy experience.
• I'd prefer a slow sip of Cognac with a fine Cigar than a pack of smokes and a few rounds of cheap Bourbon.
• You start to catch up with friends only at marriages and funerals.

Oh, trust me, there are other signs, but at this stage my beer was being diluted by my tears for a carefree youth gone by. It's true what George Bernard Shaw says, youth is wasted on the young.

At this point I realised that while growing old seems to be compulsory, growing up is not, so, I ordered a few rounds of cheap bourbon and forgot about my age for another day.

All your base are belong to us

In A.D. 2101 War was beginning.

Captain: What happen ?

Mechanic: Somebody set up us the bomb.

Operator: We get signal.

Captain: What !

Operator: Main screen turn on.

Captain: It's You !!

Cats: How are you gentlemen !!

Cats: All your base are belong to us.

Cats: You are on the way to destruction.

Enter the world of a tiny inside joke that exploded into a popular internet phenomenon.

The "All your base" craze is explored on this sight in some detail, from the game it originated from, the video that started it, the parodies, the photos and sites where AYB has been snuck in. It's all here.

TTFN

There goes the Moral Stance.mp3

Well, this last week has been extremely interesting for those watching the music industry - two points in particular that came up were apparently unrelated (unless you think like me).

The first article is that SonyBMG was caught with their pants around their ankles as they faced the music (sorry, but the bad pun had to be made!) for bribing radio station employees with vacations, electronics and other expensive gifts, provided giveaways for radio station contests and even paid operational expenses for radio stations to give its songs more airtime.

The Payola case came to light thanks to New York Attorney General Eliot Spitzer, who launched the investigation. Sony settled the case for $US 10 Million.

The second was the release of a study by UK firm The Leading Question that confirms what I've known all along - people who regularly share or download music illegally, typically spend over 4 times more on legal music downloads than other music fans.

Yeop, that's right ... over 400% more! So, they may download, but they buy more.

I know that I would not have discovered nor purchased over half of my extensive (and overpriced) CD collection if it wasn't for the mp3 phenomenon.

The study surveyed more than 600 music fans who each own a PC or Mac as well as a mobile phone. Those pirates who regularly download or share unlicensed music and spend less as a result on Cd's also spend an average of £5.52 ($A 13.16) per month on legal digital music. The average music fan spends just £1.27 ($A 3.03) on digital tracks.

Paul Brindley, director of The Leading Question states:

The 2005 Speakerbox research clearly shows that music fans who break piracy laws are highly valuable customers. It also points out that they are eager to adopt legitimate music services in the future. So far, the music industry has tried to get these pirates on-side by taking them to court, but there need to be plenty of carrots alongside the sticks. Legal actions are making something of an impact but unlicensed file sharing will never be eradicated. The smart response is to capitalise on the power of the p2p networks themselves to entice consumers into more attractive legal
alternatives.

I, for one, agree and find it highly ironic that the moral clause utilised by these firms is so hypocritical in light of the payola scandal. Let's be honest, how many were truly shocked? We all know it's happening, it's just that someone finally got caught.

So, let's get a grip shall we?

Here's a new idea! Why don't you come out and talk to the fans? Ask them what they want? Work with them to work out a happy medium?

Oh, I know, the execs are already going to go and find some research that shows that a percentile of the p2p market don't buy any music and just steal it ... well, guess what guys, they wouldn't anyway ... they are the same ones who sat there and taped it off the radio, copied their mates collection, etc. That's never going to go away ... get a grip, and focus on the majority of people who are willing to give up their hard earned cash to pay 900% more for a single than the artist themselves are actually getting.

Payola Story related Links

• The Evidence
• Sign On San Diego Article
• The Billboard Radio Monitor Article
• The Digital Music Weblog entry
• Hip Hop Politics blog entry
• TripleJ's (Australia's National Youth Radio) Current Affair Programme, Hack, has been covering this story all week as well, with some interesting feedback from callers:
• Listen to the Payola Story Part 1 : Sony BMG Fined in the US (mp3, 8.08 mb)
• Listen to the Payola Story Part 2 : Payola in Community Radio Stations (mp3, 3.99 mb)
• Listen to the Payola Story Part 3 : Does JJJ Participate in Payola? (mp3, 2.29 mb)

MP3 Story related Links

• The Leading Question
• The Leading Question Press Release - Music pirates spend four-and-a-half times more on legitimate music downloads than average fans
• The Leading Question Press Release - Radio is still the number one source for finding out about new Music
• The BBC NEWS Article - Downloading 'myths' challenged
• The Guardian News Article - Online file sharers 'buy more music'
• The Register Article - File sharers 'spend more on music downloads
• The Ars Technica Article - P2P users among music industry's best customers

Making war on the Public

It is becoming increasingly obvious as every day passes that the entire point of the "war on terrorism" has nothing to do with protecting the public from terrorism, but a great deal to reinforce the idea of illimitable federal power.

I've touched on this before in a previous post.

The latest news is doing nothing to dissuade this idea either.

A perfect example of what we can expect here in Australia is from the case of a 67 year old woman who faces a year in prison and $100,000 in fines for allegedly assaulting a federal airport security screener after the officer grabbed the woman's breast as part of their standard procedures (see the full story "Making War on the American Public"). From my recent interstate trips, I can tell you, the Airport security staff are just itching to get this form of power ...

We have heard about installing a grid of CCTV cameras across the country, introducing a national identity card, suggestions of a shoot to kill policy, increased spying on citizens, increased ASIO powers and (in)directly attacking the Muslim community.

I for one would like to know when the the war on terrorism boiled down to the war on Islamic ideology and the removal of citizens rights in favor of a police state?

The media must also take responsibility for most of the hysteria that is currently being generated. When did the art of journalism stop being about the objective view of the news as opposed to sensationalised, one-sided, rating grabs? When did portraying an extremist Muslim sheik's comments become the view of the entire Muslim community?

If that's the angle, then why aren't the views of right-wing-christian fanatics the voice of the entire christian community?

Ah, it's all just hot air ... Nostradamus was right ... anyone have a hitchhikers device? Time for me to leave this insane rock ...

TTFN

Wasting time ...

Bored? Looking to kill an afternoon?

Well, look no further! I have your productivity destroyers right here!

Let's start by asking, have you ever wondered what you would look like as a South Park character?

Well, with the wondrous wonders of internet web browsing and flash technology, you can see yourself (and your loved ones) in the South Park Setting!

Oh, I know it's completely useless, but it is lots of fun! (That's me on the left and my partner on the right). Actually, if you're a South Park fan, there's quite a few games on the South Park Studios site. But beware ... it will waste away an arvo ...

South Park not your thing? More of an IM/IRC type yourself?

Well, check out the bash.org Quotes Database Home! With such classic online quotes such as:

• #5020
  <iban>when i was your age all i had was a mac, and photoshop
  <iban>if i wanted an online gf i had to draw her
• #5273
  <erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.
• #180081
  <kylev> BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
  <kylev> hahahahaha
  <kylev> some girl just came onto our floor
  <kylev> and was yelling "sexual favors for anyone who does my sociology paper"
  <kylev> i just asked her what the paper was about
  <kylev> and she said the accomplishments and growth of feminism
  <`Neo> bahahahaha

If you can't waste an afternoon with these two activities, then there's no helping you ...

TTFN

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED!

I've been a little on the heavy side lately, and I realise that we sometimes need some form of light entertainment.

Have you ever tried to imagine what your favorite movies would be like if they had to be shown in 30 seconds? How about if they also had to be re-enacted by bunnies alone?

Well Wonder no more!

Enter the world of Angry Alien Productions and discover the joys of your all time favorite movies in a whole new light.

While on the topics of Bunnies, check out the Scared Bunny blog. I especially found the treatise on whether you were on a date with a guy that may (or may not) be gay highly amusing, but that's just me ...

TTFN

Turning ordinary people into suicide bombers

I read an interesting article today, "The Ordinary Bombers" by Michael Bond (p18, issue 2509, New Scientist Magazine, 23 July 2005).

It talks about the psychology of suicide bombers. How, study after study has shown that suicide terrorists are usually more affluent than average for their community, usually better educated, rarely suicidal (in the pathological sense) and rarely have symptoms of mental illness, drug or alcohol abuse.

Damn, sounds like most of us - doesn't it?

I remember years ago I studied up a fair bit about cult and cult-like mentality and the use of methodologies such as Large Group Awareness Training (LGAT) [Someone remind me to rant about this in a future post]. It seems that militant groups utilise a similar but opposite methodology (SGAT?) similar to those used to train kamikaze pilots during WWII.

According to the author:

The sense of duty to a small group of peers that the process creates can, they say, turn just about anyone into a potential suicide bomber: the crucial factor is not the psychology of the individual, but that of the group.

Apparently, virtually every suicide attack in modern times has been conceived and managed by militant groups utilising these same methods:

First, find people, usually young and male, who are sympathetic to the group’s cause and organise them into small units. Second, exploit their motivation to fight for the cause using religious or political indoctrination, emphasising the heroic nature of their mission and the nobility of self-sacrifice. Third, have all members of the unit make a pact declaring their commitment to what they are about to do. Beyond this point, it becomes psychologically very hard for them to back out.

The article finishes with a hard to swallow but all too honest paragraph:

The immediate reaction to suicide bombers is to label them as animals, or inherently evil. But this will not do. Blowing themselves up in a crowd is often the first evil thing these people have done. And they are not animals. The most difficult thing of all is to recognise that suicide bombers are, alas, all too human.

Like I said, hard to swallow. In today's day and age, it's often hard for us to recognize that these people are human, and may very well have been ... influenced ... to create acts of such despicability.

I think that we (in the global sense) have entered a vicious circle where one side is constantly vilifying the other, retaliating, and then the other repeats the same pattern ...

It's not a pretty thought, and one that will very quickly bring us towards the vision of Nostradamus unless we can somehow begin to see both sides of the picture and realise that we are fighting for interpretations more than causes.

Well, that's all for me ...

TTFN

of pram Nazis and vicious parents

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

This entry will disturb most parents - please do not read further if you have or are planning to have children.

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

I've spoken of this before. Parents expect society to keep a look out for their offspring.

It's true everywhere you go!

Today, I'm down at the local Border's Store ... and as is my want on a quiet Sunday afternoon, I like to grab a few mags and books that interest me, climb up to the third floor, sit on the couch and drink a hot chai as I peruse their contents.

Well, wouldn't you know it? It seems the call went out for every breeding female within a 20-mile radius to load up their kids into the prams, and converge onto the tiny bookshop cafe.

Every walkway, every space between chairs, tables, couches, along the checkout and across the bookstore was strewn with prams like some form of new-age battlefield tanks converging onto the last known whereabouts of Osama bin laden.

The attitude that accompanies the mothers of our future is phenomenal as well!

They'll slam their pram into your ankles and shins and then look at you with disdain as they request your absence from their path with a tone that suggests that you should have seen them coming, and made the effort to move out of their way since they do have the responsibility to carry the young and you're obviously naught but a selfish man for not carrying a similar tiny-screaming-puking-shit-machine in a hammock on your back!

Any-hows, I managed to avoid severe bruising of shins or breakages of ankles as I maneuvered my way to what seemed like a set of vacant ottomans to one corner. Well, there were a set of books in one corner (on the floor), no-one around them, no-one on them, nothing that laid claim to them ... so? Vacant.

I begin to clear the books off the floor, and re-arrange the ottomans to allow my partner and I to sit and try to enjoy our Sunday afternoon, regardless of the aforementioned screaming-puking-shitting-complaining-whining-"I want! I want! I want!"-foot stamping-machines we were surrounded by.

It's at this time, one of those lovely breeding creatures comes running up to us and declaring that we've stolen her seats, and how dare we throw her kids out or some nonsensical bullshit.

I explain, there were no markers, no-one was here, etc ... she says that her kids went running off and she was ordering coffee and we shouldn't have taken the seats.

What-the-almighty-fuck?

When did I become the guardian of your spoilt little brats?

Why the fuck should my life be messed about because you can't learn to look after the spoilt fruit of your rotten loins?

Why should I have to step gingerly around hormone volatile women who because they decided to spread their legs and be inseminated by the seed that has sprouted into a demonic child that has now caused them to be completely stressed out and is the cause for the ruination of their lives?

You want to know why I don't care? Why it's not my problem? Why you should drop the attitude? Let me tell you, it's because:

• I don't remember signing a petition asking you to give birth
• I didn't force you to not use contraceptives
• I didn't force you to have a child when you weren't ready
• I didn't impregnate you
• I didn't stop you from having an abortion
• I didn't force you to give up your career
• I didn't ask you to have more kids
• I didn't force your partner to work more hours to support the extra mouths
• I didn't kick your no good partner out of the house
• THEY ARE NOT MY KIDS NOR MY RESPONSIBILITY!

There. Simple.

You had the kids. You learn to deal with them. You take responsibility for them.

I decided not to have kids. That was a conscious choice based on all the factors of what they entail. Including the fact that they would be my responsibility and not society's at large.

If you disagree, give me your name and number, and within 24 hours, I can have a squad of four children all under the age of 6 at your doorstep. My sister would love for you to look after them for the next 4-10 years.

Thank god for Xanax ...

TTFN

it's Saturday night - go watch a movie

It's my parent's anniversary and I'm obligated to go over and enjoy the evening surrounded by my nephews, nieces, sibling and Italian parentage. Oh happiness and joy really ... so, no rant for me tonight.

Take on some of Phil's advice and go watch a movie.

TTFN

Beautiful Graffiti

I almost missed out on an entry today ... too tired to rant about anything, but this is a nice sojourn - see the works of contemporary art produced with a spray can on a public space.

TTFN